Disclaimer: I totally wrote this almost a week ago. I had a moment where I felt empowered, and then I couldn’t go through with it. But, tonight I did. Peace out hair, I’ll see you in a few months. Dear hair, I will miss you. I know you will only be gone for a few months but I will miss you. When you start growing back, please come back with a vengeance and bigger and better than before. And quickly. I have always loved my hair. My friends that cut or style my hair can tell you that. I’ve always been a wimp about cutting it. I’m not into risky hair cuts. I did bangs once and had a total freak out. My hair is naturally curly and sometimes I like it sometimes I don’t. I wear it curly, I wear it straight, and all sorts of in between. Even the lazy days when I just throw it up on my head in a messy bun, I still like it. I guess I’m a girly girl with my hair. I feel like it does help me identify myself. And now, it’s leaving me. Damn cancer. I mean seriously, you have caused enough chaos in my life and now you want my hair? Screw you cancer, screw you. Take my hair, take my boobs, but you aren’t winning this fight. Yes, you have had me in a bit of a slump because I have to shave my head but I’ll get over it. Or I will learn to deal. I have a small selection of wigs, but the later I stay up everyday, I keep ordering more. ? I’ll have cute scarves and hats. I will make this as fun as it can be. I will deal with this chemo treatment day by day and I will get better everyday. I am getting better everyday. So yes, screw you cancer. I am enjoying beating you everyday. Even when you try to bring me down, you […]
Round 2, complete. So I guess I can say I’m a third of the way done with treatment! (Minus the year long herceptin.) Had some bumps today but all is well! I started the day with the usual, blood work and a visit with the Doctor. Who is extremely pleased with how things are looking and going. Which makes us feel amazing! When, “oh, wow that looks good”, comes out of your doctors mouth, you wanna hug her because you know what she is doing to help you get better is working. I knew it felt better and looked better, so I was very confident going in to seeing her. Just hearing her agree with how I feel is great! We talked about different side effects and things I can and can not do. No nose piercing, dammit. But overall, we are all very happy with how things are going. Yey! The center I started at recently moved to a new building, last week actually. It’s a beautiful building with nice big private rooms. So come on and visit! Ha. I can not say enough about the staff, they are amazing. Except nurse Thelma decided to take a vacation and not tell me. What the hell?! She will hear about that next time. Haha. I had an amazing friend visit me today. Jessica who has created the #bettereveryday movement. Check it out on Facebook! She’s so great! It’s so nice to meet with people who have been or who are going through the same thing. It’s not a family you ever want to join, but when you do it’s the greatest. Jessica is so positive and uplifting for me. I message her when I have my freak out moments and she is there to calm me down or make me laugh. I can’t thank you enough for this new friendship and being there for me! I mean, she walked in with Starbucks and flowers, you know how to sweep me off my feet! Haha! But seriously, thank […]
Today marks one month of my diagnosis. I can not believe how much has happened in a month. It feels like years. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. Monday, September 19. I remember the day like it was yesterday. I was at work anxiously watching my phone waiting for a phone call from my doctor. I had a biopsy done the Thursday before and I knew my results just had to be done that day. I called the office numerous times but they knew nothing. I had a breakdown with the nurse, telling her I just needed to know. She assured me the doctor would call me that night. I was sitting at work when the phone rang. I jumped up to answer it and he had a tone in his voice. He said blah blah blah, it’s not good news, blah blah blah, cancer. My world collapsed. I just remember calling Justin crying and he said he would be right there. I called my mom completely freaking out. After a few minutes, I grabbed all of my things and just drove home. That night was a blur. The emotions that went through me that day were indescribable. And that week was appointment after appointment. It was so overwhelming, it still is. September 19 holds a dear place in my heart. While I got the worst news I could get, 2 years prior, my pregnancy of Savanna was confirmed and we saw an ultrasound for the first time. While I don’t really believe things happen for a reason, I think these two things happening on the same day hold some meaning. I know God sends people in our lives for a reason. I was meant to be Savannas mother, even before I knew it. I’m the luckiest mommy to have her. Savanna is the most amazing little person I’ve ever met in my life. I know that she is going to be one of my biggest factors in getting better. She keeps […]
I can not say this enough, I have the absolute most amazing people in my life! I am so very grateful. From the cards and bags of goodies, to the sweet texts, everything, I can’t thank you all enough. All of this completely humbles me. I always knew I had a great group of people around me, but geez, it really can’t get any better. You all are amazing! There is an amazing spa here in town, if anyone is looking to feel refreshed or just treat themselves-there’s no other place to go, Spa Remedy! The owners Jim and Maggie are family friends and are just the nicest people. They both always have a smile on their face and are full of positivity. I love it! They are being so kind to have a fundraiser for me. (Of which Maggie told me about after a nice relaxing massage and got me all worked up! haha) If you purchase a gift certificate for Spa Remedy this month, Breast Cancer Awareness Month, they are being so kind as to donate a portion to me. Once again, I can not thank you guys enough! Check out their Facebook page HERE for more details! And treat yourself to a massage! So good. Another friend of mine, Miss Amy, has been asking me for some time now if she could get some shirts designed to sell. When she first brought it up to me, I liked the idea of people being on Team Kelly, but I just wasn’t ready. This whole ordeal has been a whirlwind and I just needed a little bit of time to try to let it sink in. I’m working on it, but I recently told her that I thought I might be ready for the shirts, and within a day she told me it was done and posted and ready to go. Amy, I thank you so very much! I love that who ever wants to now can rock a Team Kelly shirt! Check out […]
Today is my darling husbands and I’s 3rd wedding anniversary! I love this man more than I can say. He is always there for me, good times and bad. He can always make me smile and laugh. I could not ask for a better life partner. We always say, together we can conquer the world. I truly believe that. We are a strong force together. And we can and will overcome any obstacle in our way. We don’t want for big things, other than wanting to travel together and see different things. I can’t wait for our MLB road trip when we retire! Every stadium. That will be so much fun. Justin, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you do for me and our daughter. You are a great husband but an even more amazing daddy. We both love you so much!! I can’t wait to grow old with you…???
What can I say, chemo isn’t fun. It’s been a few interesting days seeing how my body reacted to all the meds. I’ve had good moments and some not so great moments. But in the middle of it all, I KNOW I’m getting better. I’m resting and relaxing for the most part. I still make myself go outside, get some air and sun, and leave the house at least once. Oh, and chase a 17 month old around, man is she active! Ha! But I have had some great help the past few days. My mom and husband have been amazing. Keeping Savvy extra busy when I just need a few moments, or my darling husband getting up with Savanna and letting me sleep. I’ve said I want to keep things as normal for Sav as we possibly can. And I think we are being pretty successful at that. She is an amazing child and has been better than I could have imagined though out the last few weeks. Eating hasn’t been the most fun thing for a few days, but I’m still putting stuff down. When this all happened I decided to go on a very strict diet, so that had been challenging as well. It’s a work in progress and completely different than what I’m used to. I have some great cookbooks to read and recipes to try. Most of them I’m excited for…most. 🙂 Chemo mouth is real and real annoying. Textures are different, and yesterday my salad taste like peanut butter. Hopefully that will improve, or maybe it’ll make broccoli taste like candy! Whatever the challenge, bring it on. I’m ready! It’s been a learning experience and I know positive progress is made every day. Thank you for all the texts, calls and concerns about how I have been feeling. I feel so loved! And know that I love all of you as well! It’s crazy how much an extreme negative situation can bring out the positives in life. I’ve always been […]
We are back home from treatment day number 2. They split my treatment up into 2 days, just so they could watch for reactions. The center that we are going to couldn’t be any more amazing. I thank my Aunt for finding it for us! The nurses, my doctor, everyone is so kind and so positive. I looooove the positivity! Nurse Thelma has been the most incredible lady for me to have around. I’ve called, emailed and texted at all hours of the day, and she will answer whatever I need with a smile. I’m so happy we made the decision to go there. I know they will help get me better! Savanna is ecstatic to be home. She loves running around the house playing with her toys. She is currently sleepy peacefully. Little girl was so tired! She has been a trooper the last couple of days. Always laughing, having fun and making friends. She sure is the light of our lives!! Justin and I definitely need a good nights sleep in our comfy bed. Everyone cross their fingers Savanna sleeps good tonight! Haha. I’m going to go eat a bowl of homemade chicken noodle soup and then take a good nap! I know tomorrow will bring positive things!
Today I started chemotherapy. I never thought I would say those words, let alone say them at 29. The emotions that have went through me throughout this last 2 weeks has been indescribable. From the moment I found out to right now, sitting in this chair, I feel like 2 weeks has been 2 years. I’ve felt so much, thought so much, cried so much, been so extremely angry to being so extremely thankful. It’s a mess of emotions. But, one of my goals through all of this is to be positive. Why? Because I know I am going to beat this. I have no doubt in my mind. Cancer will not win, it picked the wrong person to mess with. I have changed my eating habits dramatically within the last 2 weeks just trying to be healthier. I realize now that food is for nourishment and giving my body what it needs to be healthier and to work like its supposed to. I did not have that mindset a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, I thought I had mastitis. I was still nursing my beautiful baby girl up to about a week and half before diagnosis. I loved nursing. I loved everything about it and without a doubt would still be doing it if I could. But, stop nursing and mastitis goes away right? WRONG. Don’t listen to that. I should have listened but I was scared. I had mad the mistake of googling some things in between the time of ‘mastitis’ and diagnosis of this crazy “C” word. DON’T google symptoms. Bad, bad, bad idea. I won’t do it again. Even knowing my diagnosis, no google. This is my fight, my battle, my ‘sickness’, statistics or crazy information means nothing to me. I’m not any of that. I will fill in some blanks eventually but it has taken this long to come to terms to writing some of these words. I have the absolute best support team that I could ask […]