I love you dear husband

My darling husband wrote this to me today. He’s a keeper.   My love, time is flying by. Our baby girl is 20 months old, our Dogter turns 6 and it turns out there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Its been a whirlwind of emotions the last few months, but yet we’ve found a somewhat groove to slide by in. Together we know that this groove is only temporary, we know their are ruts ahead. Through all this you’ve amazed me by still being a mother, a wife with little to no complaining on whats going on with your body, emotionally…. well thats another story. Visually, to most with a quick glance all appears fine, your still vibrant, beautiful and outgoing as always. They don’t see and feel what you do, what I do. Most don’t have the worry of tomorrow, or how emotionally draining every single day has been since Sept 19, 2016. Not many 29 year olds have their husbands shave their beautiful head while crying together the entire time. Not many 29 year olds have a child that needs constant attention while battling the the effects of this ” THING”. Not many 29 year olds have to contemplate the future, our scheduling their lives around appointments that supposedly are to make you better all the while suffering from the effects of these appointments. Massive bumps all over that pop and blister, not being able to breath out of your nose due to all the scabs, stys on your eye lids that make it uncomfortable to blink, worrying about every thing in your body that hurts and most recently in the stomach area due to at our last appointment the doc said something about a spot on your last PET scan. **(I’ve only had one PET scan, so far)** Yet, your here, your fighting, your positive not complaining, even though you have more right than anyone. You wake up with with our daughter, take the dogs out, make breakfast, […]

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Here we go!

So it’s been a day. A pretty big step in this crazy ass ride we are on. I met with my first surgeon. It was quite nerve racking. In September, a surgeon felt so far away, and now it’s time. I have one chemo to go and then surgery. How crazy! I can’t believe it. Time has flown a record pace at the same time as it has taken forever. I’ll never be able to describe the last few months perfectly. It’s just bonkers. I’m still waiting to wake up. For now, I deal with it as I can. I met the surgeon, she was so very nice. If I go with her, I will feel nothing but taken care of and comfortable. But I still will meet one more this week to be sure. It’s crazy the questions you think about and ask when you are talking about literally taking off body parts. I still can’t quite wrap my head around it. I’m not sure I will until it actually happens. I feel like the best thing I can do, besides getting better and kicking cancers ass, is learn from this. I went in on a need to know basis. I didn’t want to know certain things, and still don’t, but I still have learned so much. About cancer, nutrition, the human body, the human spirit… it’s quite incredible. No one wants to learn about cancer, until you have it. I will be there for the girls that have to follow behind me. Although, I hope everyday I wake up to a cure. But I will teach what I know to anyone who will listen. I’m still learning everyday. It’s a new adventure everyday. No one day is the same with cancer. But I try to find laughter and happiness in every day. I’m so very grateful for all I have in my life. So, I will focus on being as healthy as I possibly can be. I will take this next step and […]

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