Post-Surgery

Well. It’s been quite the week. Thank you to everyone for reaching out and checking on me. Thank you for the flowers, the gifts, the dinners, prayers, everything. Just thank you. I’m so grateful to everyone. I’m grateful to be alive! This surgery was no easy thing. Chopping of body parts is never fun. Especially being a girl and losing your breasts. But I know it was necessary. I know they were the home to my cancer. Now, they are gone. It’s easy to say, oh they were just boobs, you can get new ones! I’ve heard that a lot and while that’s true, It’s not that easy. My cancer is/was different. It was rare and aggressive. Standard guidelines for Inflammatory breast cancer is to wait 2 years for reconstruction. We are hoping that changes soon, but thats what it is now. I struggled with this for quite some time. My doctors all gave me the option to do reconstruction even knowing the guidelines. There’s a lot of reasons for waiting and a lot of good reasons for being ok to go ahead. My mind just couldn’t settle on either decision. So I decided to err on the side of caution and wait. It is not an easy decision. While I do not regret it, it’s still hard to swallow everyday. The physical pain is strong. But the emotional pain from this is so much stronger. I struggle not being able to pick up my daughter or rock her to sleep every night. I can not do regular everyday things right now. It’s hard. It’s temporary, I know this. But right now, it sucks. Today, I’m sad, I’m mad, I hurt in more ways that one, but still grateful. This is going to be a struggle for me for quite some time. I haven’t looked at what is left under the bandages, and I don’t plan on it for quite some time. I just can’t. For now, I will continue to heal knowing the day […]

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