Gratitude and curse words.

Anyone who told me radiation was a piece of cake, I have no good words for you. This is not like a bad sunburn. I am not in and out. And dammit, it is not flying by.
I hurt. I can’t move my arm correctly. I have to keep my arm up all day so it can breathe and get air. I have a week or so left but it feels like forever. I can’t imagine this getting much worse (although I do know, it could always be worse), I pray it doesn’t.
But, you know what? I’m alive. So none of that complaining really matters. Sometimes it is good to get out but in the grand scheme of things, it is helping me so I can watch my baby grow up. It’s helping so I can grow old with my amazing husband. It is helping me, so when I have moments of anger or self-pity, I quickly turn my thoughts around and turn to gratitude.
I will continue to say I hate cancer, but I love what it has done to me. I feel like such a better person. I know I am. I love life so much more now. I enjoy the little moments with my girl. I soak in all her craziness and love every second, even rough ones. I see my husband is such a new light. He is so amazing. I won the jackpot with my little family. He has taken such good care of me and Savanna though this journey. I know it has to be hard for him but he has been so great. From taking me to every chemo to just doing the dishes because I’m too tired to do them. Thank you my darling husband. I love you more than words can say.
Life has been full of changes this year, and they continue to happen. Good changes, new changes, but all to better us and our lives. I’m excited to see what the future holds and all the great times we are going to have.
But right now, in the waiting room of radiation therapy, I’m going to curse a lot in my head and count down the days til I’m done.
After radiation is over, just a few treatments of Herceptin and then I can kiss cancer treatment goodbye! I look forward to a healthy, cancer free, loooong life.

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2 Comments

  1. I remember my Dad having a difficult time with radiation on his face for melanoma. You are in our prayers dear Kelly. Hoping these bad times are behind you, and nothing but good, healthy times ahead.

  2. I don’t think people are trying to minimize anything about your radiation, but its only a way to encourage you that the end is near. You continue to amaze me. I will always want the best for you. I could never wear your shoes. Love Ju Ju

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