I always heard people say that when you have a baby you change. I never believed that. I thought you were always the same, just had another little human to take care of.
I grew up not really set on having children. I thought if it happened, ok, but if not, I was ok too. I didn’t have small cousins, or siblings. I wasn’t really around a lot of small children at all, so I was ok without it.
Boy was I wrong. When my husband and I decided we would start to try and have a baby, I was so nervous! One part of me said this will be great! The other part said, what are you getting yourself into! But, I felt that that was the next step in my life. I was starting to feel that if I was going to have children, now is the time. I know many people who struggled to get pregnant, but I never thought it would be me. I never thought it would bother me if we couldn’t get pregnant. I think it was probably 5 or 6 months into trying that I was just getting sad. I was so sad every time I took a test and it was negative. I knew then that I wanted a baby more than I ever thought. I was attached to the idea and I wasn’t stopping until it happened.
And then, I got the positive test. That day was a whirlwind! The whole 9 months I was just an anxious ball of mess. I didn’t really connect with my baby through the pregnancy. I knew I loved my baby and I couldn’t wait to me her. I played music for her, talked to her and all the fun stuff. But it wasn’t until she was placed on my chest until I really truly realized that my life was changed forever. This little girl changed me. I am a completely different person than I was back then. I want different things. I see things in a new light. I have different goals for my life.
And I love every second of it.