(Side note: Savvys birthday is May 11, 2015)
Dear Savanna Jolene,
To my best friend, my first born, my baby girl, my daughter.
I can’t believe a whole year has gone by already. My how you have grown. You are beyond a doubt the most amazing little girl I have ever met in my life. I feel so privileged to call you my own; to be your mommy. I sit here crying my eyes out because of my love for you. My heart just explodes with pure gratification and pure undying love for you. I hope you never forget that. I’m sure in the future we will have our fights and arguments but know that no matter what it is over or about, I will always have this love for you. And it grows stronger day after day.
In one year you completely changed my life.
Little girl, I thought I knew what love was, but boy was I wrong. I have never felt love like this.
I never thought I could be this scared or have this much anxiety! But, oh boy is this the most terrifying thing I have ever done. Every time you do something new my heart skips a beat and I worry that you will be ok. I hope you don’t inherit my anxiety, it isn’t fun! But if you do, I’ll teach you how to deal with it. It’s not easy but manageable. Especially with your smiling face at me.
I didn’t know I needed you this much. I thought I had life figured out. I thought I knew what I was doing with life, again I was wrong.
All my life began when I gave birth to you. Nothing will be the same and I don’t want it to ever change. The day I gave birth to you, I feel like I became who I’m supposed to be. I was made to be your mother. I finally feel like I belong. You did that for me and I will never be able to thank you enough. But I will try with millions of kisses everyday.
Seeing you grow throughout this year has been amazing. You went from being fully dependent on me, to being able to do many things on your own.
You prefer to feed yourself now, except milk time-which I cherish every second of.
You are great at playing by yourself. Which usually means pulling yourself up on everything and getting into anything and everything possible. I don’t mind usually, I love when you explore, i just get nervous and cringe a lot because I don’t want you to hurt yourself! You hit your head pretty hard a couple of times and I’m pretty sure I cried more than you. I feel like that every time you fall.
You are doing better at the babysitters. They tell me that you are perfectly fine when I walk out the door. As I still cry when I get to the car. I still know that I am not cut out to be a working mom. I need to be a stay at home mom with you and I’m trying to be. I’m working very hard to get there.
There are so many stories and little things about you I would love to relive and tell you. I want to remember every second. You’re so amazing. Thank you for being you. Thank you for giving me the best year of my life. I can’t wait to continue to see you grow into who you are meant to be. I will be there for all the milestones, for everything. I won’t miss a thing baby girl. I love you more than words can describe. You are my world my love. Happy first birthday, and to many, many more together!!
I love you baby girl, to the moon and back. (And then some.)