What a day…

Today has been one of the most emotionally exhausting days in a very long time. I’ve been a wreck because I knew my pet scan was today. Sleep didn’t come easy last night, or for the past few days for that matter.  My mind is just running everywhere. Did the chemo work? Has it spread? What’s this new pain…what’s that…could it be? Oh crap, that’s a new bump, what’s that? Everything is something at this point. It’s overwhelming and can drive a person crazy. I’m so lucky I have amazing people around me. People that know how to talk me off the ledge. My husband is amazing. He seriously deserves an award. He has been so great through this. Justin, thank you, for everything. I don’t know what I would without you. You and Savanna are my rocks. I couldn’t do this without you. Special shout out to Tricia and my mom for holding down the fort and for hanging with Savanna.  You guys are amazing. And to Jennifer-my person, my carrot, there are no words. Thank you. So I got to my treatment center and got all checked in and ready for my scan. After a few meltdowns, I made it through the scan. Thank you to Thelma for being there for me. I’m telling you, Thelma is so amazing. Best nurse navigator out there. She knows what I need and when it. Especially when it’s a hug, she’s there. Justin and I had a mini date of lunch and cupcakes and headed home for the dreaded wait. They say anywhere from 24-48 hours. Luckily, I have an amazing doctor who called me less than 6 hours after my scan. As soon as the phone rang, I got butterflies. Doctor seemed pretty upbeat when I answered so i was hoping that meant good things. I did ask if she had good news, she said yes. She went over the whole scan with me, down to the medical details that I don’t understand. The radiologist […]

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I love you dear husband

My darling husband wrote this to me today. He’s a keeper.   My love, time is flying by. Our baby girl is 20 months old, our Dogter turns 6 and it turns out there is a light at the end of this tunnel. Its been a whirlwind of emotions the last few months, but yet we’ve found a somewhat groove to slide by in. Together we know that this groove is only temporary, we know their are ruts ahead. Through all this you’ve amazed me by still being a mother, a wife with little to no complaining on whats going on with your body, emotionally…. well thats another story. Visually, to most with a quick glance all appears fine, your still vibrant, beautiful and outgoing as always. They don’t see and feel what you do, what I do. Most don’t have the worry of tomorrow, or how emotionally draining every single day has been since Sept 19, 2016. Not many 29 year olds have their husbands shave their beautiful head while crying together the entire time. Not many 29 year olds have a child that needs constant attention while battling the the effects of this ” THING”. Not many 29 year olds have to contemplate the future, our scheduling their lives around appointments that supposedly are to make you better all the while suffering from the effects of these appointments. Massive bumps all over that pop and blister, not being able to breath out of your nose due to all the scabs, stys on your eye lids that make it uncomfortable to blink, worrying about every thing in your body that hurts and most recently in the stomach area due to at our last appointment the doc said something about a spot on your last PET scan. **(I’ve only had one PET scan, so far)** Yet, your here, your fighting, your positive not complaining, even though you have more right than anyone. You wake up with with our daughter, take the dogs out, make breakfast, […]

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Here we go!

So it’s been a day. A pretty big step in this crazy ass ride we are on. I met with my first surgeon. It was quite nerve racking. In September, a surgeon felt so far away, and now it’s time. I have one chemo to go and then surgery. How crazy! I can’t believe it. Time has flown a record pace at the same time as it has taken forever. I’ll never be able to describe the last few months perfectly. It’s just bonkers. I’m still waiting to wake up. For now, I deal with it as I can. I met the surgeon, she was so very nice. If I go with her, I will feel nothing but taken care of and comfortable. But I still will meet one more this week to be sure. It’s crazy the questions you think about and ask when you are talking about literally taking off body parts. I still can’t quite wrap my head around it. I’m not sure I will until it actually happens. I feel like the best thing I can do, besides getting better and kicking cancers ass, is learn from this. I went in on a need to know basis. I didn’t want to know certain things, and still don’t, but I still have learned so much. About cancer, nutrition, the human body, the human spirit… it’s quite incredible. No one wants to learn about cancer, until you have it. I will be there for the girls that have to follow behind me. Although, I hope everyday I wake up to a cure. But I will teach what I know to anyone who will listen. I’m still learning everyday. It’s a new adventure everyday. No one day is the same with cancer. But I try to find laughter and happiness in every day. I’m so very grateful for all I have in my life. So, I will focus on being as healthy as I possibly can be. I will take this next step and […]

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✌?2016, bring on 2017 ??

äI can’t say that 2016 has left a great taste in my mouth. It has a bad flavor that’s going into 2017. But I know it will get better, and it is! I’ve had some really amazing memories this year. Mainly, watching my baby girl grow and seeing her little personally emerge. It has really sucked, for some obvious reasons but I have got some good from the bad. It’s all on the up and up from here on out! Here’s to 2017! I was so emotional looking through all the pictures of my little girl! Isn’t she just the cutest. ☺️☺️ …

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Chemo #5

All right, 5 down 1 to go! Chemo really sucks. But I know it is killing each cancer cell in my body and I’m getting healthier everyday. Along with all the other crazy stuff I’m doing; I know I’m getting better. Sometimes I need a kick to remind me of that. I’ve met some amazing ladies on this crazy ass ride, from all across the U.S. Locally, and in far away states, but all in this together. Some currently in treatment, some recently finished and some are years out from treatment. They all give me hope. They all give me strength. We all are fighting different battles but at the same time, the same battle. I have moments of panic or anxiety and whoever I reach out to knows exactly what to say to help me. Whether it’s 3:00pm or 3:00am, and I will always be here for you ladies as well. This is a sisterhood. One I never wanted to join, but dammit there are some great women in it. I have made life long friends. I look forward to us all beating this and continuing to beat this for many, many years to come. For those currently in treatment, I can’t wait to be at your NED party. And everyone will be invited to mine!! I look forward to it. I know there is still a long road ahead of me, but no worries, I got this. We got this. Thank you to everyone that’s been a positive on this ride. I owe each and every one of you a huge hug and I intend on making sure that happens!

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Christmas Weekend

Merry Christmas! We have had a couple of great days lately. Friday was Savanna and I’s favorite guys birthday. It was a great lazy day just hanging out and being together. Christmas Eve we spent with my parents and family. It doesn’t get much better than just hanging out and enjoying the people around you with no worries. I appreciate some small things so much more now. Just sitting at a dinner table and talking with family that we don’t see all the time is the best. No phones, no wifi, nothing crazy; just spending time with each other. We enjoyed Christmas Eve mass at the church I grew up in. I was very excited to bring Sav there and she quite enjoyed it, and did very well for most of it. Justin and I went to be more excited than we were as kids growing up. We were so excited for Savvy to wake up and see what Santa left for her! Christmas Day was a wonderful day in the Cantrell house. Savanna woke up to a crazy amount of gifts from family, friends and some amazing people we have never met. Seeing all of the presents last night before she tore into them, was extremely overwhelming. Everyone that bought Sav a gift, still had friends and family to buy presents for. And they still chose to buy my daughter a gift. It’s so incredible! I watched her perfect little face open gift after gift with such pure joy on her face, which brought extreme joy to my heart. That’s what’s important right? Not the actual gift, but the feeling you get. Knowing that I got that joy from people I know and don’t know is amazing. So again, I thank you all! There is not one toy or present that Savanna didn’t love. Our house is a wreck and I love it. She had the best Christmas and we could not have done it without everyone in our lives. I wish I could […]

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Thank you.

Hey there! It’s been a while. I’ve just been enjoying life and getting better everyday. I have been spending lots of time with my family and friends and enjoying this fiesty little redhead of mine! I will definitely try and catch you all up on what has been happening in my life lately. I appreciate you all for reading this and for all of the good positive thoughts and prayers. I will try and keep up more on the blog to stay up to date with everything. For now, as we all prepare for Christmas, I am nothing but grateful. I am truly humbled by this road that I am on. I knew I had great people in my life, but I never could have imagined what I am experiencing now. It’s so overwhelming and so absolutely amazing. I am in awe of how truly selfless some people are. To all of you, thank you. Although, I know thank you will never be enough. Justin, Savanna and I will never be able to tell you all what you have done for us. Thank you for the gifts that have been dropped off to us or sent in the mail. We were anticipating it being a smaller Christmas for Sav, but now, goodness. To the amazing ladies that started and shared a Christmas list for her, I want to give you all a huge hug! To all the people that have sent gifts, whether we know you personally or not, thank you thank you thank you! It’s truly amazing. Packages for our little girl arrive daily and she is going to have the best Christmas! I can not wait to see her wake up and open all her gifts. The pure joy from her face will make me so happy I can’t put it into words. I will take a ton of pictures and can not wait to share it will you all! I hope you all enjoy this holiday week! Remember the reason for the […]

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Dear hair…

Disclaimer: I totally wrote this almost a week ago. I had a moment where I felt empowered, and then I couldn’t go through with it. But, tonight I did. Peace out hair, I’ll see you in a few months.   Dear hair, I will miss you. I know you will only be gone for a few months but I will miss you. When you start growing back, please come back with a vengeance and bigger and better than before. And quickly. I have always loved my hair. My friends that cut or style my hair can tell you that. I’ve always been a wimp about cutting it. I’m not into risky hair cuts. I did bangs once and had a total freak out. My hair is naturally curly and sometimes I like it sometimes I don’t. I wear it curly, I wear it straight, and all sorts of in between. Even the lazy days when I just throw it up on my head in a messy bun, I still like it. I guess I’m a girly girl with my hair. I feel like it does help me identify myself. And now, it’s leaving me. Damn cancer. I mean seriously, you have caused enough chaos in my life and now you want my hair? Screw you cancer, screw you. Take my hair, take my boobs, but you aren’t winning this fight. Yes, you have had me in a bit of a slump because I have to shave my head but I’ll get over it. Or I will learn to deal. I have a small selection of wigs, but the later I stay up everyday, I keep ordering more. ? I’ll have cute scarves and hats. I will make this as fun as it can be. I will deal with this chemo treatment day by day and I will get better everyday. I am getting better everyday. So yes, screw you cancer. I am enjoying beating you everyday. Even when you try to bring me down, you […]

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Round 2, Bring it!

Round 2, complete. So I guess I can say I’m a third of the way done with treatment! (Minus the year long herceptin.) Had some bumps today but all is well! I started the day with the usual, blood work and a visit with the Doctor. Who is extremely pleased with how things are looking and going. Which makes us feel amazing! When, “oh, wow that looks good”, comes out of your doctors mouth, you wanna hug her because you know what she is doing to help you get better is working. I knew it felt better and looked better, so I was very confident going in to seeing her. Just hearing her agree with how I feel is great! We talked about different side effects and things I can and can not do. No nose piercing, dammit. But overall, we are all very happy with how things are going. Yey! The center I started at recently moved to a new building, last week actually. It’s a beautiful building with nice big private rooms. So come on and visit! Ha. I can not say enough about the staff, they are amazing. Except nurse Thelma decided to take a vacation and not tell me. What the hell?! She will hear about that next time. Haha. I had an amazing friend visit me today. Jessica who has created the #bettereveryday movement. Check it out on Facebook! She’s so great! It’s so nice to meet with people who have been or who are going through the same thing. It’s not a family you ever want to join, but when you do it’s the greatest. Jessica is so positive and uplifting for me. I message her when I have my freak out moments and she is there to calm me down or make me laugh. I can’t thank you enough for this new friendship and being there for me! I mean, she walked in with Starbucks and flowers, you know how to sweep me off my feet! Haha! But seriously, thank […]

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