Well. It’s been quite the week. Thank you to everyone for reaching out and checking on me. Thank you for the flowers, the gifts, the dinners, prayers, everything. Just thank you. I’m so grateful to everyone. I’m grateful to be alive!
This surgery was no easy thing. Chopping of body parts is never fun. Especially being a girl and losing your breasts. But I know it was necessary. I know they were the home to my cancer. Now, they are gone. It’s easy to say, oh they were just boobs, you can get new ones! I’ve heard that a lot and while that’s true, It’s not that easy.
My cancer is/was different. It was rare and aggressive. Standard guidelines for Inflammatory breast cancer is to wait 2 years for reconstruction. We are hoping that changes soon, but thats what it is now. I struggled with this for quite some time. My doctors all gave me the option to do reconstruction even knowing the guidelines. There’s a lot of reasons for waiting and a lot of good reasons for being ok to go ahead. My mind just couldn’t settle on either decision. So I decided to err on the side of caution and wait.
It is not an easy decision. While I do not regret it, it’s still hard to swallow everyday. The physical pain is strong. But the emotional pain from this is so much stronger. I struggle not being able to pick up my daughter or rock her to sleep every night. I can not do regular everyday things right now. It’s hard.
It’s temporary, I know this. But right now, it sucks. Today, I’m sad, I’m mad, I hurt in more ways that one, but still grateful. This is going to be a struggle for me for quite some time.
I haven’t looked at what is left under the bandages, and I don’t plan on it for quite some time. I just can’t.
For now, I will continue to heal knowing the day I can hold my girl is getting closer. I will continue my treatments, radiation in a few weeks and hormone therapy every 3 weeks, plus medication for 5 years. I will get through this. I know I will. I know I am getting stronger every day. Some days, I just don’t feel strong. These days are hard. I hope each day gets better. I hope these stupid drains come out. I’m hoping and praying my pathology report comes back good. I have a lot of hope. And I believe everything will turn out the way I am hoping for.
Do not feel bad for me, I will be ok. The last thing I want is to be pitied. Part of me did not want to share this struggle but I have shared everything thus far and I felt it was necessary. I hope I can help someone else through this one day as I have some amazing women that have helped me.
Just know that while I may be having a rough time right now, I will come out on top and be better than ever. I have no doubts about that.
A huge thank you to my absolutely amazing mother and husband. They have been so incredible. I will never be able to thank you both enough. I love you more than I can say. And to my beautiful daughter, you are my reason everyday-I love you so very much sweet girl.